Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize