Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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