Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
