My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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