There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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