Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
