i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
