ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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