Need sex. Gaining weight.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
