Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
