she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Is this like a preordered booty call?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
