You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I wish i was in the wii world.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
