i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
