You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
