We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
