I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
