you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
