I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
