I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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