Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
