why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
