The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
