Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize