I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
