Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
