There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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