it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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