He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
