I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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