Michael Bay diarrhea
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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