I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
