and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize