Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
