My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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