Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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