I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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