is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
