you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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