we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
In other news, I just burned my penis
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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