I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize