i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize