i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
