matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
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