I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
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