I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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