Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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