I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
