Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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