Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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