smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
