Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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