I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
