Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
