I just googled if crying burns calories
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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