im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
