So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
