she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
