his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
