Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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