I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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