my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I am naked and annoyed.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
