Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
