I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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