Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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