So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
