My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
