I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
