so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
