I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
