I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
