I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
