I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
