I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
