She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
