Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
