Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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