He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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